


a foolish pleasure (whatever)

by punk_rock_yuppie



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Sex, Blowjobs, Daddy Kink but Not, Get together fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, PWP, Podfic Welcome, handjobs, porn without plot/plot what plot, sex with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 18:37:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16310561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punk_rock_yuppie/pseuds/punk_rock_yuppie
Summary: It's not like Ryan wants to call Shane 'daddy' or anything.It just kind of slips out.





	a foolish pleasure (whatever)

**Author's Note:**

> so this idea came to me ages ago and i've slowly plugged away at this for ages. this is dedicated to the ever wonderful Bee, aka beethechange/a-slow-disaster, who encouraged this fic at every possible chance and has been waiting for me to finish this fucking thing. hope it's as delightfully awkward as you wanted!
> 
> big thanks to hannah for beta'ing! 
> 
> enjoy!

It starts as a _joke_.

Which, like, everything between them starts—and usually _ends_ —as a joke. It’s just their thing. It’s who they are as people. That’s their dynamic. Jokes, bantering, bickering, being assholes to each other. It’s just the way the universe works, for the two of them.

So it starts as a joke, but it quickly escalates.

Like, _really_ quickly.

 

 

They’re talking about money, and rappers, and celebrities, and Ryan is pretty sure ‘Big Poppa’ is playing over the radio—what he’s getting at is it makes _sense_ at the time. It makes perfect fucking sense for him to reach across the center console, punch Shane lightly in the arm, and say, “Sure, Big Daddy, whatever you say.”

It just _does_.

He’s thoroughly unprepared for Shane’s reaction. “That’s right, baby boy.” Said with a smirk, even as his eyes are wide and knuckles are white around the steering wheel.

Ryan’s breathing catches in his throat.

Shane’s gaze flicks to him and his smirk only grows as his eyes settle into a stare that’s warm and heated. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Fuck you,” Ryan snaps shakily. He leans back in his seat and tears his eyes away from Shane. “Just—shut up,” he says again, far too aware of the blush burning his cheeks.

Shane laughs, and that’s it.

 

 

At least, until work a few days later.

Ryan makes two cups of coffee like he does practically every morning and carries them carefully over to his and Shane’s shared desk space. He sets down his first and then leans over to set down the other mug in front of Shane.

Shane pulls off his headphones and flashes Ryan a toothy grin. “Thanks… Baby boy.”

Ryan freezes and his breathing catches in his chest. Shane’s eyes are locked on his and the moment is tense and electric between them. No one else is around, there’s no way anyone else heard. But the thought that someone _could_ makes Ryan feel a little sick, a little excited.

“Ryan?” Shane says, slow and cautious.

“No problem, Big Daddy,” Ryan breathes in a rush. He practically crashes into his own chair and pulls his headphones on fast he’s actually pretty sure they come unplugged from his laptop. He pretends not to notice and pulls open some of their latest Unsolved footage.

Shane looks away from him, but Ryan watches him from the corner of his eye. Shane’s smirking around the lip of his mug as he takes a sip.

 

 

The thing is, Ryan thinks, is that it’s _not sexy_. It’s not like he’s got a daddy kink or that he wants to call Shane ‘daddy’—hell, he and Shane aren’t even _dating_. It’s just a _thing_ that happened and now it’s a _thing_ that Ryan can’t stop thinking about. It’s starting to become a problem. All he can think about when he looks at Shane in the Ghoul HQ, or in the sound booth, or when they’re both rolled up in their sleeping bags on location… all he can think about is Shane’s reaction to Ryan calling him ‘daddy,’ and the way Shane called him ‘baby boy.’

It’s _really_ a problem.

So, Ryan does the natural thing and invites Shane over for dinner.

 

 

“Hey,” Ryan draws out the word, leaning into Shane’s space until the other man takes off his headphones. Shane raises an eyebrow at him. “Wanna come over for dinner tonight?”

Shane nods. “Sure. Chipotle?”

Ryan nods. “Sounds good, Big Daddy.” And then Ryan’s hurrying back into his own space, focusing on his computer but not quite shutting Shane out. Ryan doesn’t put on his headphones or anything like that; he watches Shane’s faintly gobsmacked expression from the reflection on his computer screen.

Shane doesn’t reply, but he’s blushing when he looks away. Ryan smiles to himself triumphantly.

 

 

Shane shows up promptly just after five with his arms laden down with Chipotle. “So, we’re gonna talk about this?”

“Sure,” Ryan says with a shrug. “Or we could just make out.”

They’re standing at the threshold of the front door, staring each other down like a face off.

Shane nods. “Yeah, that—that sounds good.”

Ryan steps back and Shane shoulders his way inside.

“I’ll just put this in the fridge,” Shane says, swinging the bag of food. Ryan nods and watches Shane wander into the kitchen. He shuts the front door and listens to the dull thud of the fridge door falling closed. Ryan pushes off from the front door and meets Shane at the edge of the living room and kitchen; he’s gratified to see Shane breathing a little heavier, in anticipation.

“Bedroom?” Shane breathes.

Ryan nods and reaches out, takes Shane by the hand and pulls him down the hall. They start laughing after only a couple steps. They don’t even make it to the bedroom before Shane is cornering Ryan against a wall and bending down to kiss him.

For all Ryan’s nerves and the way he can’t get his hands to stop shaking, the kiss is _good_. Warm and a little wet, Shane’s tongue dipping into his mouth and Ryan answering him with a moan. He brings his arms up and tangles his hands in Shane’s already mussed hair; he uses the grip to angle Shane how he likes, to deepen the kiss and then break it with a gasp.

“Bedroom,” Ryan says.

“Do we have to?” Shane’s eyes are lidded and he’s looking Ryan up and down. “Could suck you off right here.”

Ryan shudders and his hips buck forward without his permission. It presses his straining cock to Shane’s, and the warmth is dizzying even through layers of cotton and jeans and chinos. “No, no, _bed_ ,” Ryan insists, even as he tilts his head to the side so Shane can pepper kisses along his neck.

“You sure, baby boy?” Shane growls over his pulse point. “I don’t mind bruising up my knees for you.”

All at once, Ryan’s motivation for asking Shane over comes rushing back to him. _Big Daddy_. It’s a struggle to fight off the pleasure rushing through him but he manages to speak.

“Wait, wait, we _should_ talk.”

Shane whines and the vibrations run like electric shocks down Ryan’s spine. “Do we gotta?” He trails back up and kisses Ryan’s earlobe, tugs at it with his teeth, before pulling away.

“Yes, yes, because, you _can’t_ —fuck, Shane.” Ryan melts and thrusts his hips forward again. “You can’t call me _baby boy_.” Something in his tone must strike a nerve.

Shane’s body freezes and it’s torture, even if it’s what Ryan was going for. Their heavy breathing fills the small space around them and Ryan swallows noisily. Shane steps back and cool air rushes between them.

“Okay,” Shane speaks slowly. “Let’s talk.”

And that’s how they end up on the couch with burritos in their laps, the TV muted a few feet away.

“Are you not,” Shane starts. “Did I…?” He looks lost, and confused, and any other time it’d be funny, except Ryan’s kind of feeling like a dick.

“It’s just.” Ryan inhales deeply and exhales in a rush. “I don’t think that whole daddy thing is sexy.”

Shane looks up and nods. “That’s fine,” he says cautiously. “I mean, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure. But you kept doing it, so—?”

“No, no, no, _you_ brought it up again!” Ryan all but shouts. He cools himself quickly. “You called me _baby boy_ at work, and I just—it was just instinct!”

Shane snorts. “Your instinct is to call me _big daddy_?”

Ryan groans. “I don’t _know_.” He sets his half-eaten burrito aside and hides his face in his hands. “I don’t want you to be, be my daddy, or whatever. I don’t want to call you daddy.”

“You seemed pretty into it…” Shane trails off. “And the baby boy thing.”

Ryan can’t find the words to articulate what he’s thinking, so he retaliates with a question instead. “Are you, y’know, into that?” Ryan hedges.

Shane shakes his head. “No!” Shane tilts his head side to side, a frustrated and thoughtful look in place. “It’s not like that. It’s more… it’s not _what_ you’re saying, it’s _how_ you’re saying it.” He shrugs, looking sheepish.

Ryan blinks as he absorbs Shane’s words. “That’s exactly it!” He can’t help but light up in a smile. “It’s not the, the baby boy thing. I don’t want _that_. It’s just, you say it, like. Like.”

Ryan swallows as a frisson of arousal ripples through him at the thought of Shane’s voice. “It’s _not_ the baby boy thing that I want,” he says.

Heat flares up in Shane’s eyes again, and he sets his own burrito aside. He scoots minutely closer on the couch until his knee hits Ryan’s. “What do you want then, Ryan?”

Ryan reaches up with hands that aren’t shaking quite as bad before. He cups Shane’s cheeks. He thinks back to the break room at work, their desks, the way he said _big daddy_ when really, what he wanted to say and what he says now, is _“Shane.”_

Shane sighs against his lips and then they’re sinking into another kiss. It works up slowly to the same fervor as before, heated and wet and desperate. Shane’s hands find Ryan’s hips and tug him closer, almost entirely into Shane’s lap.

“You still haven’t really told me what you want,” Shane says into the kiss.

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I did. _You_ , you idiot.”

Shane pinches him in the side in retaliation, but his face is warm with a grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says, pushes his forehead against Shane’s. “Just you.”

Shane tilts his head to kiss Ryan before pushing him back; Ryan goes willingly and lifts his hips as Shane immediately fumbles for his jeans. Ryan shrugs off his own shirt while Shane yanks at his button and zip, pulling Ryan’s jeans down his legs far enough to expose the tent in his boxers.

“Just you,” Shane mumbles against Ryan’s skin as he leans forward to pepper kisses over Ryan’s stomach. He bites at Ryan’s hip and sucks a light hickey into the barely-there excess skin. “You’re unreal,” Shane murmurs. He kisses the tender skin before trailing his tongue over the waistband of Ryan’s boxers, and Ryan lets out a whimper.

“Shane, c’mon, please.”

Shane looks up at him, brief and heavy. Ryan reaches out with a shaking hand and combs his fingers through Shane’s hair.

“Yeah, okay,” Shane says, and then he yanks Ryan’s boxers down and takes his cock in to the hilt.

Ryan yelps and his hips jump, shoving his dick deeper into Shane’s mouth. To his credit, Shane doesn’t gag; he bobs his head at a speed not quite fast enough to satisfy, but his thumbs rub soothing circles against Ryan’s hips.

“Shane, _Shane_ , fuck.” Ryan’s babbling, he knows it. He can’t stop himself, doesn’t even want to. His hips roll as he fucks carefully into Shane’s mouth and his hand grips and relaxes in Shane’s hair. “Wanted this for so long,” Ryan whimpers.

Shane hums around his cock and Ryan cries out. His legs jerk as he fights the urge to hitch them over Shane’s shoulders—something he can’t do with his jeans still locked around his knees. The couch is cramped and the arm of the couch is digging into his back and it all should be distracting enough to let Ryan _last_. He shouldn’t be hurtling toward orgasm like he’s seventeen and a virgin, and yet—

“Shane, Shane, gonna come.” Ryan tugs at Shane’s hair a little harder to get his attention. “Fuck, Shane.”

Shane pulls off long enough to say, “Do it, Ryan,” in the same soft and sultry voice he said _baby boy_ , before. Shane sinks back onto his cock, mouth warm and wet around Ryan, and that’s all it takes.

Ryan throws his head back and thrusts up once, twice as he comes deep in Shane’s throat. Shane rides the waves of Ryan’s orgasm in a way that, even caught up in his pleasure, Ryan kind of can’t believe. Ever unflappable, he thinks, before his mind whites out as the last spike of pleasure burns through him.

Ryan opens his eyes to see Shane slowly pulling off his cock with a slurp. Shane swallows with his lips pressed to the tip of Ryan’s dick, then flashes Ryan a grin.

“Hey,” Ryan says shakily.

“Hey,” Shane echoes. He sits up and finishes pulling Ryan’s boxers and jeans off, then works on his own chinos and briefs. He has to clamber off the couch to kick them off but he’s back on Ryan in the blink of an eye, in between his legs. “Thought you might call me daddy as you came. Wouldn’t that have been some shit?”

Ryan glares. “Oh, fuck you, dude.” Unceremoniously, Ryan shoves a hand between their bodies and curls his hand around Shane’s cock. “If you call me _baby boy_ when you come, I’m kicking you out. Naked.”

“Just right out on that little welcome mat?” Shane asks, breathless with laughter and a moan. He fucks into the circle of Ryan’s fist once before his hips still. “Fuck, it’s—it’s a little dry.”

“Oh, fuck,” Ryan says, antagonism forgotten as he takes his hand back. He licks across his palm and his fingers, maybe excessively, but he’s aware of Shane’s eyes on him like a brand. Slower this time, Ryan brings his hand to Shane’s cock and starts to stroke.

“Better, better,” Shane mumbles as he nods.

Shane holds himself over Ryan, and Ryan takes the time to catalogue what Shane’s mostly naked body looks like. The idiot left his shirt on, something Ryan will need to rectify the minute he has a chance, but he can look at the stripe of skin at Shane’s waist, at the bony jut of Shane’s hips. Ryan can’t quite see it but he can feel the dusting of hair on Shane’s thighs where they’re pressed to Ryan’s own.

“Kinda slackin’ off, Ry,” Shane grits out, bringing Ryan out of his daze. Indeed, his grip has gone loose.

Ryan shakes his head and strokes faster, meeting Shane’s hips tit-for-tat as Shane thrusts into his grip. “Need to get you naked,” Ryan says. “I’m feeling overdressed.”

Shane chokes on a laugh that dissolves into a moan. He opens his mouth like he’s thinking of saying something snarky, sharp, so Ryan twists his hand on the upstroke and steals the words right from his mouth. He surges up and kisses Shane; it’s an awkward, clumsy kiss, their mouths don’t align quite right, but Shane moans into it.

“C’mon,” Ryan urges. He does the same twist every other stroke and Shane’s hips jump suddenly each time. “I want you to come, Shane.” He drops his tone just slightly, entirely unlike the way he’d said ‘big daddy’ each time before—all those times tinged with too much awkwardness and uncertainty to _really_ be sexy. His own eyes are fluttering at the feeling of Shane’s erection in his grip, long and thick and hot, and when he moans, it’s impossible to be anything but genuine. _“Shane.”_

Shane doesn’t moan as he comes. His breathing hitches and his body goes stiff wrapped up in Ryan’s. His hips jerk unevenly and he starts to come on a thrust out, spilling over Ryan’s fingers and slicking his next thrust forward. The rest of his come ends up on Ryan’s wrist and his stomach, smearing between them. Shane shakes as he comes down before he just collapses against Ryan, breathing heavy.

“Jesus, you’re so, you’re so fucking bony,” Ryan complains as he tries to wedge his hand out from under Shane. It’s a little weird to feel Shane’s dick softening in his grip.

“Sorry, give me a second,” Shane mumbles. His words are slurred, tucked against Ryan’s neck, before he finally lifts up enough to let Ryan’s hand free. Ryan wipes the come on his hand off on Shane’s shirt. “Thanks,” Shane drawls.

“My pleasure,” Ryan replies with an errant giggle. Shane shakes his head and his hair tickles at Ryan’s cheek. Silence stretches as Shane sinks against him again. “Hey, Shane?”

“Mm?”

“I wanna date you. You know that, right?”

Shane lifts only his head this time and it brings them nose to nose. “Kinda figured, what with the whole dramatic _just you_ , thing.” He breaks into a sleepy grin.

Ryan nods. “Okay, uh. Good. Cool.”

Shane kisses him and Ryan can’t help but shudder at the faint taste of his come still lingering on Shane’s tongue. “I wanna date you too, _baby boy_ , don’t you worry.”

“That’s it,” Ryan groans as he starts to shove at Shane. “Out, out on your ass this fucking second, Madej.”

Shane just laughs and kisses Ryan again until he stops trying to shove Shane off the couch. It doesn’t take very long, because Ryan is fast realizing that kissing Shane is vastly preferable to _not_ kissing him.

“Still not gonna call you daddy in bed. Or any other time,” Ryan says as the kiss ends.

“That’s fine.” Shane shakes his head as his laughter trails off. “I like the way you say my name better, anyway.”


End file.
